There are times when it feels almost impossible to know what to do—those moments when the sadness feels like a pit in your stomach that pulls you down onto your knees. The world seems to slow down, yet the pain accelerates, swirling around you like a storm, leaving you disoriented and hollow. There is no earthly comfort that seems sufficient, no words that can fully express what you’re feeling.
Nothing seems to help in those moments. It’s so dark that it feels like no light could possibly shine through. The soul feels heavy, the air thick, and the weight of grief seems immovable. The prayer of our heart is often simply, “Lord, please. Anything but this.”
Anyone who’s lost someone they love dearly knows this feeling.
One step removed from this are those of us who love these grieving people. We look at their grief and feel helpless in a different way. We feel the pit in our stomach too, but can only imagine the depths of the grief they are enduring. We want to fix it, to make it better, but we can’t. This is not a wound that we can heal, nor a burden we can fully lift. And so, we walk alongside them, feeling their sadness while also fumbling to know how best to love them.
Grieve
The first encouragement, for both the grieving and those who love them, is to actually grieve. It’s a command of Scripture: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Grief is not an enemy of faith; it is part of our humanity in this fallen world. Jesus Himself wept at the grave of Lazarus, despite knowing the resurrection was moments away.
With Christ’s example, we have permission to shed real tears in our times of loss.
From the pit of our sadness, the only place to look is up. As we suffer in the here and now, we are reminded that these tears will be wiped away. Christ is coming and in that day he will complete his victory over death. Grief will be no more, and Christ will make all things new.
Until then, we experience this pain knowing that our God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
Grieve Together
Grief is not meant to be carried alone—it’s one of the clearest opportunities for us to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). When one member of the body suffers, we all suffer (1 Corinthians 12:26).
This is one of the many beauties of Christian community—we never walk in dark valleys alone.
For those who are coming alongside the grieving, this starts with being present, even when you don’t have the right words. It means sitting patiently through the silence, offering a shoulder to cry on, and showing up even when the casseroles and cards don’t anymore. Grieving together means listening without trying to fix, praying without ceasing, and reminding one another of the hope we have in Christ.
For those who are grieving, grieving together means inviting others into your grieving process, and giving them the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ during your time of greatest need. It will also mean being patient with people who are trying to show you love and compassion, especially when they do so imperfectly but with the best of intentions.
Pray
Prayer is the lifeline of the grieving soul. It is the thread that keeps us connected to the One who holds all things together.
For the grieving, prayer will feel impossible at times. Words may fail, and the heart may feel too heavy to lift. But Scripture reminds us that the Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26). In those moments, simply crying out “Lord, help me” is enough. God hears, and He is near.
For those walking alongside the grieving, prayer is one of the most powerful ways to love them.
Pray for their comfort, for their faith, and for their endurance. Pray for wisdom to know how to support them and for the grace to walk with them through the long journey of grief. Pray Scripture over them, reminding them of God’s promises even when they struggle to believe.
Hope in the Mourning
Grief is painful because it reflects something precious that has been lost. Our hope in these seasons is not in the absence of pain, it’s the presence of Christ.
As Christians, we are the presence of Christ. We are part of God’s plan to help the grieving, and we are part of His plan to show the world how to grieve.
The gospel assures us that our sorrows will be conquered by our coming King. The empty tomb declares that death has no dominion over the Author and Perfector of our faith. The words of Jesus proclaim that our God loves us, and that one day all will be made right.
Until then, we grieve, we grieve together, and we pray—knowing that the God of all comfort walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death and leads us to eternal life.